Domestic Violence Hotline Numbers 

816.461.HOPE (816.461.4673)

816.HOTLINE (816.468.5463)

TTY (English): 1.800.735.2966

TTY (Spanish/Español): 1.800.520.7309

Red Flags of Abuse

The following is a list of early warning signs that someone may be abusive.  

Someone who:

• Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.
• Does not honor your boundaries.
• Is excessively jealous and accuses you of having affairs.
• Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails and texts you throughout the day.
• Criticizes you or puts you down; most commonly tells you that you are "crazy," "stupid" and/or "fat," or that no one would ever want or love you.
• Says one thing and does another.
• Takes no responsibility for their behavior and blames others.
• Has a history of battering.
• Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on their partner; for example, "My ex was a total bitch."
• Grew up in an abusive or violent home.
• Insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family.
• Seems "too good to be true."
• Insists that you stop participating in leisure interests.
• Rages out of control and is impulsive.

Pay attention to the “red flags “and trust your instincts.  Survivors of domestic violence frequently report that their instincts told them that there was something wrong early on but they disregarded the warning signs and didn’t know that these signs were indicative of an abusive relationship.  Always take time to get to know a potential partner and watch for patterns of behavior in a variety of settings.  Keeping in touch with your support system and participating in good self-care can lower your risk of being involved in an abusive relationship. (From nnedv.org)

Who abuses and why?

People who abuse have a need to gain power and control in their relationships. Abusive personalities have common characteristics:

• Low self esteem
• Insecurity
• Emotionally dependent
• Excessive jealousy
• Manipulative
• Alternately charming then suddenly angry and violent

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• sabotaging attendance at job or school
• stalking
• intimidation 
• punched walls, slammed doors, destruction of personal property
• lying
• using children to manipulate a parent's emotions
• use of fear and shame
• forced sexual contact
• manipulation
• sexist comments
• yelling and rages
• jealousy and possessiveness
• silent treatment
• rape
• unwanted touching
• shoving, strangling, ripping, slapping, biting, kicking, bruises, punching, scrapes, pinching
• brainwashing
• violence to pets
• ridicule or public humiliation
• broken promises
• prevention of seeking medical and dental care
• threats: to harm family and friends; to take away the children; to harm animals; of being kicked out; of weapons; of being killed

If you find yourself in a violent relationship, please call the Hope House hotline at 816.461.HOPE (4673) for help (a local call for the Kansas City metro area). If feel the need to do more research before making that call, we recommend the following websites for more in-depth information about recognizing domestic violence, creating a safety plan, protecting your identity and getting help:

Missouri Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

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